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“Watch this!” he said... “Nelson!”The radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?”“Willie!” he continued, and “On The Road Again” came from the speakers.The woman drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time she’d say, “Beethoven”, she’d get beautiful classical music, and if she said, “Beatles!” she’d get one of their awesome songs.One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed her new car, but she swerved in time to avoid them.“ASSHOLES!” she yelled... The French National Anthem began to play.Subject: Low oil?Now why didn’t I think of this before now?????A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America.Well, there’s a very simple answer.Nobody bothered to check the oil.We just didn’t know we were getting low.The reason for that is purely geographical.Our OIL is located in Alaska, California, Oklahoma, and Texas.Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DCYou have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish. What did I do?”She kissed him again, and then leaned down to whisper in his ear. “My nipples are sore because I’m pregnant.”Roger tried to sit up, but he was too weak. His eyes were huge as he took in the news. “I thought no one was getting pregnant.”“You remember that fruit drink you make?” He nodded and she went on. “It made you fertile somehow. Lenna, Faith, and every other doc we have are trying to figure out how and why. But, we are going to be the very first parents on this planet. Congratulations.” She grinned at him as her eyes gleamed with unabashed joy.“How did you figure it out?”“Well, the day you left, I went home sick. That’s when I found out. Lenna and Faith flew down here to examine me, and it was just a process of elimination after that.” She giggled. “You should’ve seen Faith and Lenna digging in the trash pit after the fruit rinds I threw out. They wouldn’t let me in there, and they were just covered in stinky mess when they climbed out. Anyway,” she sobered, “they.
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